


i am born again

by sunmoonandbucky



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Swearing, Violence
Language: Español
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:22:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23133103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunmoonandbucky/pseuds/sunmoonandbucky
Summary: In a moment of reference, you and Bucky look back on where you started.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Kudos: 6





	i am born again

**Author's Note:**

> so my prompt was 'airbag' by the fretless, and was written for @kentuckybarnes's 3k challenge on tumblr!

“Hey, babydoll.”

You hummed in response, leaning against the bar. Your finger was absentmindedly circling the rim of your glass of champagne _—_ “It’s an 1820 Juglar Cuvee,” Tony had said with a proud smirk, “Figured if we were going to be celebrating tonight, we’d drink something good.” You’d insisted that you’d been fine with a $5 bottle of wine from Walmart since you were fifteen, but he wouldn’t hear anything about it, even going as far as calling you ‘blasphemous.’

The material of your dress clung to your skin, somehow still not wrinkled even after hours of dancing. Your heels had been kicked off a while ago and were resting on the ground in front of your stool. Your ankle had started hurting somewhere around hour three, and you knew that you’d have to ask James to fix it for you in the morning.

It was strange, having a party dedicated to you. You didn’t even get birthday parties before coming—or rather, being dragged—into the little family. But Tony had insisted on pulling out all the stops for your little ‘coming out.’

The last few weeks had been full of paperwork and government meetings, press conferences, and signing your names to the replacement for the absolute disaster that was the Sokovia Accords. It had been a whirl wind, you couldn’t lie. When you had gotten to the United Nations summit in London, you had been an anxious mess. You had been sure that at any moment, all of it would be taken away from you—someone would point at you and call you a fraud, call you the monster you were always sure you had been.

But it hadn’t happened.

You had walked into the summit with your head held high, James’s hand sneaking down to squeeze yours as he watched you with a proud smirk. And then seeing a place just for your name right beside all of your teammate’s had just made it all the more real. You had officially become a member of the Avengers in the eyes of the world after signing that paper.

It had all come to a culmination tonight, in one of the biggest parties Tony Stark had ever thrown. The champagne was flowing freely, the music playing until the last guest had left. Even now, someone—probably Tony—had gotten F.R.I.D.A.Y. to play a random playlist as your little family—the Avengers and Co., as you liked to call them—laughed and joked together. They were all clearly a little drunk, even Steve, Thor, and Bucky, thanks to Thor’s Asgardian mead.

None of them really cared that it was almost six in the morning. All of you were alive. All of you were together. Nothing from before seemed to matter anymore, because all of you were just so grateful. Tony and Steve were cackling over some joke, doubled over with just wheezes coming out of their mouths while Pepper stood nearby and watched her husband with a fond smile. The wedding ring on her left finger was glimmering in the light. Natasha was twirling around with a bottle of champagne in her hand, her heels lost somewhere. Bruce was watching her with a sort of reverence with soft pink cheeks. Clint and his family were sitting on the couch, giggling as they watched Thor tell some fantastic story. The others were all dotted around, talking and laughing and just being happy. And Bucky…

Your eyes flickered up to where he was leaning against the bar beside you now. His hair was disheveled, having fallen out of his neat bun about halfway through the night. There was a glazed look in his eyes, and his cheeks were flushed from the alcohol as his flesh hand reached out to grab yours. “I e’er tell you that you’re the prettiest dame I’ve e’ver seen?” He slurred.

“You have,” you giggled, feeling a little warm yourself. “You tell me every day.”

“Yeah,” he said, his eyes narrowing suspiciously as he pointed at you. “But do ya believe me, babydoll?”

You smoothed the hand that wasn’t in his over the lapel of his suit. _Note to self, get Tony to throw more parties so I can see him in this more often_ , you thought to yourself as your hand moved up to run along his broad chest. “I believe everything you tell me,” you said, hyper aware of the heat of his gaze.

He leaned forward, nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck. “Love you. You know tha’, right?” His breath was hot against your skin, sending shivers up your spine. Even after all this time, he still elicited the same reaction. He made your knees feel weak, your mouth go dry. “Loved ya since I firs’ saw ya, babydoll.”

“Way back in 2006?” You teased, your fingers gently carding through his hair.

Bucky nodded before pressing a kiss to your pulse point. “Even when ya shot me.”

* * *

_Taking a deep breath, you crept down the dark hallway, your gun held at the ready. The apartment building was almost completely silent, thanks to the late hour. You could hear a dog barking a few floors above, and there was a television still on in the apartment to your right. But it was nothing concerning, just the sounds of a civilian life._

_God forbid someone come out of their apartment now and see you. You preferred scaling the walls and going through windows, but the window of the apartment you were heading for faced a busy street, and you couldn’t risk being seen. And as much as you didn’t like it, if someone saw you, you’d have to take them out._

_No witnesses. Ever._

_As you rounded the last set of stairs, you spotted the door you were looking for at the end of the hall. Apartment number 508. It only took a moment for you to know that the rest of the floor was completely silent. Everyone was fast asleep._

_“Boring,” you scoffed, shaking your head in slight disappointment as you pulled a bobby pin out of your hair. It took less than ten seconds for you to get the door unlocked and it swung upon with a soft creak._

_Despite the fact that it was completely dark and silent, something felt off. There was a sense of unease as you stepped through the threshold with your gun raised and ready to shoot. Trying to brush it off, you began to move through the apartment towards the bedroom._

_Minimum furniture. No picture frames. Nothing on the fridge._

_“So you’re a loner,” you said to yourself, your voice barely audible._

_“I wouldn’t call myself a loner. I’ve even learned how to play with others.”_

_You whirled around, but all you could see was Iron Man’s arc reactor before everything went black, though the last thing you heard was a familiar voice._

_“TONY, DON’T!”_

_There was a pounding in your head when you finally came to, groaning as you reached up to touch your temple. You could feel dried blood right around your hair line and let out a huff._

_Tony fucking Stark._

_“So you’re awake.”_

_You sat up abruptly, ignoring the way it made your head spin. The room were you were in was made of glass and seemed to be in a circle. You could see that the glass cage you were in was in some kind of facility. When your eyes finally landed on a familiar figure, you couldn’t help but scoff. “Soldier.”_

_“I usually prefer to go by my name now, doll,” James said, raising his eyebrows. His arms crossed over his chest as he stared you down. But you were too busy unashamedly taking him in. “You still remember that, right? I don’t think Tony hit you hard enough to cause amnesia.”_

_He looked… softer than the last time you had seen him. His hair had been cut, though it was still a little shaggy. His stubble was neatly trimmed and he just looked less tense. Less like a robot._

_“I see you finally learned how to shave,” you said, taking in a shaky breath as you tried to take stock of yourself. Your head was still pounding. You weren’t sure what Tony Stark had hit you with, but it had certainly done a number on you. There were several tender spots, particularly around your shoulders, but that was normal. Your left ankle still clicked from where you had strained it a few years before, the tendons moving back and forth over the bone. That caused a bit of a grimace. No matter how much physical therapy you did on it, it never did go back to how it. And you had known that when it happened, since straining something meant that you had fucked up the tendons, which never go back._

_But that was beside the point._

_James leaned against the railing of a walkway right outside the cage. “So what were you doing in that apartment?”_

_“Wouldn’t you like to know?” You muttered, getting to your feet with a wince. You could ignore your head and the tenderness in your shoulder blades. You had to. It was how you were trained. You always got up and kept going until the job was done._

_“I would.”_

_You raised your eyebrows as you watched him start to circle around the cage, his eyes never leaving you. “You and I both know that you wouldn’t be asking me if you didn’t already know.”_

_The tension between you two could be cut with a knife as he smirked. “What does your boss want with a former HYDRA scientist?”_

_“Who said I have a boss?”_

_“Because if you’re doing a job, you’re getting paid,” he replied, rolling his sea blue eyes. Those eyes that had always brought you to your knees. Made you beg. Made you want something for once in your life…_

_No. You couldn’t think about that shit._

_You stood with your arms crossed over your chest defensively. “Who says I can’t do a job for myself?”_

_“Not your style.”_

_God, you wanted to punch his stupid pretty face. “You don’t know anything about me or my style, Soldier,” you snarled. “I don’t know you.”_

_That made him pause. He turned to fully face you, something glimmering in his eyes. “So those four months in Florence didn’t mean anything to you?” When you didn’t reply, he took a step closer, standing just inches from the glass. “I know you remember. May of 2006, right? You were… what? Nineteen?” The corner of his lips twitched up into a smirk. “You looked so young. Hell, you still look like you’re not a day over twenty.”_

_“Says the hundred year old man.”_

_“So you do know me?” He seemed a little surprised. “And here I thought you hadn’t bothered looking for me.”_

_“Of course, I did.” You moved to the other side of the cage, so you were as far from him as you could get. “And it wasn’t like it was hard. The entire world knows who James Buchanan Barnes is after Black Widow’s little info dump. The best friend of Captain America, the Winter Soldier.”_

_He began to move to where you were standing, causing you to move in the opposite direction. “And?”_

_“And what?”_

_James just seemed to get more and more frustrated. His blue eyes narrowed and you wondered if he was flexing or if he’d been working out. The way his black t-shirt strained against his muscles made your head feel a little woozy. “And what did you think?”_

_“What? Back in 2006? I found it rather interesting that the man who claimed he was in love with me didn’t think it was necessary to tell me he was leaving.” You watched him with narrowed e/c eyes as you continued to move away with him. You knew that he’d eventually get tired of it and snap at you, but that’s exactly what you wanted. Half the time, the only way to get James Barnes to talk was to get him so angry and frustrated that he couldn’t hide his emotions behind a wall. “But I knew you were the Soldier when we first met, so what the hell do you mean, what did I think?”_

_“About who I was before,” he shouted, the vein in his neck straining. His hands were fisted tightly by his sides._

_Rolling your eyes, you sat down in the middle of the cage, leaning back. “Well, I finally found out something about you, so that was nice. Even if it was years after it would’ve been relevant.”_

_“You knew who I was. And you’re deflecting.”_

_“I did not. You’re annoying.”_

_“Y/N, stop it.”_

_“Stop what?”_

_“You know what.”_

_You raised your eyebrows, feigning innocence as you let your head fall back. The ceiling of the cage had suddenly become very interesting. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”_

_“You’re evading,” he hissed, his patience wearing incredibly then. You were actually surprised he had lasted this long anyway. He had always had a short temper back when the two of you had been together. “And you know me. I told you about Steve and my sisters and everything I could remember.”_

_Your eyes caught on a crack in the ceiling, but you tried not to let it show on your face. One of the panels was slightly out of place. A way out._

_“Fine,” Bucky said as he circled around, clearly trying to get you to look at him. “Could you at least tell me how you’ve barely aged in over ten years?”_

_“A fantastic skin care routine,” you replied nonchalantly, closing your eyes. Maybe if you just didn’t give him anything for long enough, he’d go away._

_Like he did before._

_“Come on, Y/N,” he whispered as he pressed a hand against the glass. His ocean eyes were swimming as he stared at you. “Give me something.”_

_“Or what? Your little friends will kill me?”_

_You kept your eyes closed, but you could feel his gaze. You could feel how much more he tensed up._

_He let out a final sigh, his hand squeaking as it slid down the glass to land back at his side. “I’ll be back with food later.”_

_The second he was gone, you were on your feet and looking up at the ceiling. You knew you could make the jump and you knew that you could pull yourself up into the vent above._

_As long as your ankle didn’t fuck it up._

_Jumping and things like that had always been a little harder after straining it. But if you could just get up to the vent, you’d be golden._

_Bouncing up and down slightly, you couldn’t help but smirk. There was a little bit of bounce in the floor that was clearly there for shock value. They were just making this easier and easier. Bracing yourself, you positioned yourself directing under the panel._

_Pain shot through your ankle as you jumped, but your fingers managed to find purchase. Using one hand, you nudged the panel to create a bigger hole before pulling yourself up. You collapsed in the vent, breathing hard as you took stock. Someone had changed you. You weren’t in your usual uniform, but in a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt with the Stark logo on it. No shoes. All of your weapons were gone, even the knife you kept strapped to your thigh._

_Whoever the fuck had touched you was going to pay._

_Realizing that you had limited time before someone came to check on you, you pushed the panel black into place. Hopefully there weren’t cameras pointed at the cage, but you knew that it was unlikely you’d be that lucky._

_You had already been granted a miracle in the past five minutes. Hoping for more would just jinx you._

_“Come on, Y/N,” you said to yourself as you got on all fours. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”_

_Ignoring the pain in your ankle, you crawled through the vent, occasionally finding a grate that would grant you a glimpse into where you were. It was definitely some type of training facility. You had already found a gym and a few conference rooms. You quickly came to the conclusion that in order to get out of there, you were going to have to get out of the grate. There were too many different paths to take and you had no idea where they led or which would get you out._

_That’s when you hit the jackpot. You peeked down a grate, finding what seemed to be a weapons room. You made quick work of the grate, dropping down into the room with the gracefulness of a cat. Wincing, you glanced down at your ankle. It really was making this more difficult than needed. A quick look around the room made you realize that they were all organized by the owner. Each Avenger had their little area, labeled with their name._

_“Tacky,” you muttered with a shake of your head. You were tempted to take someone from Natasha’s stash, but you knew there was only one person who’s weapons you could take. You grabbed a handgun, loading it before sticking it in the waistband of your leggings behind your back. Three knives were tucked into various other spots. You pulled the sweatshirt over all of them, keeping them somewhat hidden. Before leaving the room, you grabbed one more handgun, filling it with ammo before flicking off the safety._

_And if someone came in and wondered why there was a few things missing from James Barnes’s stash, well…_

_You’d be long gone by then._

_The halls were mostly quiet, confusing you just a little. You’d figured that this place would be crawling with agents. There’d been a few in the gym when you’d crawled over it, but not that many._

_When you heard footsteps approaching, you quickly ducked into a doorway, pressing yourself back against the wall._

_“I don’t know what happened, she’s just gone!”_

_Ah. James Barnes._

_“Bucky, the entire compound is searching the area around the Fish Bowl. We’re gonna find her.”_

_Oh. Captain America. This would be fun. Also, Fish Bowl?_

_When they came around the corner, you whirled on them. Your gun was pointed straight at them and your hands were steady. It was fair to say that you’d caught them by surprise. A plate that had been in James’s hands clattered to the floor and shattered, sending glass and bits of food everywhere._

_“Hey, Buck?” Steve said slowly, his eyes not leaving you. “I think I found her.”_

_You couldn’t help but smirk as your gaze shifted from the huge blond to James. “I think I like him more than you, Bucky,” you said, a little condescendingly. “At least he’s funny.”_

_He snorted, shaking his head as he watched you. “How’d you get out?”_

_“This isn’t some action movie, Soldier,” you spat, rolling your eyes. “I’m not about to spill all my secrets.”_

_You had to shift a little, trying to get as much weight off your left ankle as possible. It was still in a lot of pain, but you couldn’t focus on that. But both of the super soldiers immediately zeroed in on it._

_“You’re hurt,” James said, his eyes softening. He moved to take a step closer and you pointed your gun directly at him. The man immediately froze, hurt coloring his eyes as he looked at you. “You wouldn’t shoot me.”_

_You shifted your foot again, trying your best to not let it show. “You let your friend knock me out and then locked me in a cage.” Gritting your teeth, you held your head high. “Try me.” Steve was glancing back and forth between the two of you. “We both know I don’t really need it, but extra target practice is always good.”_

_“Babydoll—”_

_“Don’t you fucking call me that,” you snapped. “You lost the right a long time ago.”_

_“You loved me once,” he said, holding his hands in the air as he stood there, baring himself to whatever you might do. “You can’t tell me you don’t still feel the same way.”_

_“What?” You laughed, glaring at him. “You do?”_

_“Yes.”_

_You shook your head, biting your lip. “Shut up, you dirty liar.”_

_“Y/N,” James said, a frown on his face. “I’m not lying. I still love you.”_

_“Shut up.”_

_“When I got out of HYDRA, you were one of the only people I still remembered.”_

_“Shut. UP.”_

_He took a chance and took a few steps closer, knowing it could result in your shooting him. “You are the love of my life, Y/N. It was true then, and it’s true now.”_

_“SHUT UP!” You screamed, tears in your eyes. Your teeth hurt from how hard your jaw was clenched. “Shut the fuck up!”_

_“Y/N, let me help you,” he whispered, tears rimming his eyes. “Please, put down the gun and let me help you.”_

_Your heart wanted you to say yes. Your heart wanted you to toss down the gun and launch yourself into his arms, but your brain knew better. Your brain reminded you of how broken you’d been when he left without a trace. Not even a note._

_“Stay the hell away from me,” you snarled, and you pulled the trigger. You had aimed it so that it would hit right where his metal arm met the flesh of his shoulder, but you whirled around and started running without waiting to see if it worked. By his shout of pain, you assumed it had._

_Ignoring the tears in your eyes, you just kept running. You had to find an exit at some point, right? Your bare feet slapped against the cold tiles of the hallway as you glanced back, finding Steve Rogers hot on your tail with James following at a larger distance. He was clutching his shoulder, blood causing his t-shirt to stick to his skin._

_“Y/N, STOP!” James shouted, and you shook your head, willing yourself to go faster._

_“Come on, Y/N, come on,” you panted, taking a sharp right turn. But you had to try your best to back pedal as you saw Tony Stark and Sam Wilson running towards you. When you made it back to the hall you had first come from, you turned right, Steve Rogers just a few feet away. You knew there was no reason you’d be able to evade him much longer, no matter what those scientists had pumped you up with._

_But you froze as you saw Natasha Romanov running down the hall towards you._

_You were effectively trapped. Steve Rogers and James Barnes behind you, Tony Stark and Sam Wilson to your right, Natasha Romanov in front of you, and a wall to your left. You were royally screwed._

_“Y/N, please.”_

_You whirled around to see James coming up behind Steve, who was waiting for your next move with narrowed blue eyes. “I told you to stay away.”_

_“Listen, kid,” Tony snapped as he stepped forward. “Either you calmly walk back to the Fish Bowl, or we do this the hard way.”_

_“What, you gonna knock me out like you did before?” You demanded, whirling around to look at him. “Real hospitable. I’ll make sure to leave a Yelp review.”_

_“She’s funny,” Sam mused, a smirk on his lips as he pointed at you. He then glanced at Bucky. “Hey, Buck, how’d you get a girl this funny?”_

_“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He asked, still holding his shoulder._

_“Well, I’m just saying. Your sense of humor is—”_

_“Is this really the time?” Natasha was eying you warily, her gun now pointed at you. “How’d you get out of the Fish Bowl?”_

_“I don’t do well in cages.” You still held your gun in hand, but your heart was pounding. You knew there was no way you’d be able to squirrel your way out of this one. There were too many of them. If you took one down, the others would pounce._

_“Y/N,” Bucky said, his voice cracking. “Please.”_

_You shifted your ankle again, biting the inside of your cheek. It really wasn’t liking you today. It might’ve had to do with the fact that your brace was gone—whoever changed you must’ve taken it. “We both know I’m not getting out of here alive, Soldier.”_

_“Wait, wait, wait—” Sam stood up a little straighter, his brows furrowed. “We’re not killing her, right? We can’t kill her—she handed Buck’s ass to ‘im.”_

_“Really, Sam?” Steve sighed as he glanced over at him._

_“What, man? She could be good to have around.”_

_“Not the time!” Natasha repeated, growing more and more irritated._

_Tony huffed as he fired up his Iron Man arm, his hand glowing. “Alright, enough of this.”_

_And yet again, the only thing you heard was James screaming, “TONY, DON’T!”_

_You woke up back in the Fish Bowl, your head pounding once again. “Shit,” you muttered, glaring down at the ground as you pushed yourself up off your stomach._

_“You shot me.”_

_Knowing who it was without even looking, you shrugged. “Told you to try me. You did.”_

_“I meant what I said,” James said, his voice soft and warm. It brought you back to lazy mornings, the summer breeze drifting in through the open balcony doors of your apartment, tangled limbs, kisses pressed to your neck, and…_

_“Would you stop?” You asked, exhaustion seeping through. Your e/c eyes were trained on the ground. “You don’t love me.”_

_“I do.”_

_“No, you don’t.”_

_“Don’t you think I’m the one of us who knows how I feel?” He snapped, causing you to finally look up at him. He was standing outside the glass cage, elastic bandages and medical tape in his hands. James looked at you for a long moment, taking in your slightly defeated expression. “Can I please wrap your ankle?”_

_“Why?” You looked at him suspiciously, scooting back a little._

_He shook his head, already pressing numbers on a keypad outside. The glass wall slid open, but as soon as he was inside, it shut right back. “What do you mean, ‘why?’ You’re hurt.”_

_“I don’t want you touching me.”_

_“Well, too bad, babydoll.” He sat in front of you, grabbing your calf and pulling you closer when you tried to scramble backwards. His touch reminded you of a time gone by, but you knew there was no way you could go back. “Because right now, you’re being stubborn and hurting yourself further because you’re angry with me.”_

_“Fuck off,” you snarled, trying to kick out at him._

_His sea blue eyes narrowed at you, fixing you in your spot. “It’s not nice to kick people, you know.”_

_“It’s not nice to put people in a cage, you know,” you said, making your voice super deep to try to mock him. But you didn’t try to kick him away again._

_He picked up your foot, gently running his calloused fingers over your skin, feeling the muscles, tendons, and ligaments underneath. He found what he was looking for when he touched a spot on the bottom of your foot, causing you to gasp and try to jerk away. “There it is,” he hummed as he massaged your foot for a second. Bucky then gently touched the spot again. “When you strained it, you stretched out the tendons and ligaments in your foot—”_

_“Yeah, I know that,” you said, rolling your eyes._

_He fixed you with another look. “As I was saying…” He gently touched the top of your left foot, on the exterior side. “The tendons here are supposed to help hold up a bone, but since they’re stretched…” He tapped the hard spot on the underside of your foot. “It sunk through to the bottom of your foot, which is why it hurts when you use it.”_

_“That’s a bone?” You asked, your mouth dropping open in shock._

_Buck grinned as he patted your foot. “Whoever you went to for this foot clearly didn’t know what they were doing.” He rubbed your foot soothingly, taking a bit of the ache out. “Can you roll onto your stomach for me, doll face?”_

_You tensed up again, your jaw clenching as you prepared to run, even if you couldn’t get very far. “Why?”_

_His grin was blinding as he tugged on your calf once again, pulling you close. “Because I’m gonna fix it for you.” You watched him cautiously, but you rolled over anyway. “There ya go. Now, this is gonna feel really weird, okay?” Feeling his hands on you made your cheeks go red, and you just nodded, squeezing your eyes shut. “One… Two… Three.”_

_You yelped as he popped your foot, putting the bone back into place. “Shit!”_

_“’M sorry, baby girl,” he murmured, massaging your foot. “Can you turn back over so I can wrap it?”_

_Not saying anything, you turned back over for him, and he immediately set to work. Your e/c eyes stayed locked on his face as he focused on wrapping your foot. His touch was so tender and gentle, but that wasn’t really surprising. Even when you’d only known him as the Soldier, he’d been careful with you. He always treated you as though you were going to break, even though you were a highly trained assassin._

_“There ya go,” he said, barely audible. He was relishing the feeling of being able to touch you, caress you. It had been over ten years, and he had never though he’d get to see you again. Especially not after the way he’d left you._

_“I was going after the scientist for me,” you said slowly, despite knowing that if you gave him an inch, he’d take a mile._

_“Why?” James looked surprised, so shocked that you were actually going to talk to him._

_Your heart was pounding. “I was his experiment. HYDRA was trying to recreate the super soldier serum because the original had so much testosterone that it killed the women they used it on.” You took a chance to look up at him, your eyes locking. “I thought I was going to die for a week after they gave it to me. I thought my blood was boiling me from the inside out. Eventually it settled, but all it did was slow down the aging process.”_

_“No super strength?”_

_You can’t help but smirk a little. “Just a little. But not enough to be considered super.”_

_He chuckled, the warm sound reverberating through you. He seemed so happy to have you near him, to be able to touch you. It reminded you of lazy mornings, when all the two of you did was drink each other in while mapping each other with your hands. “I’m not sorry I got to him first. Consider it payback for Florence.”_

_You crossed your arms over your chest, averting your eyes so that you were staring off to the side. “’M not sorry I shot you.”_

_“I know.”_

_“You deserved it.”_

_“I know.”_

_“Because you were an asshole.”_

_“I know.”_

_“And you still are one.”_

_He winced a little, but you didn’t pull away, giving him a little beacon of hope. “It’s okay. I’ll be almost completely healed by morning.”_

_Your lips were pressed tightly together as you continued to stare off to the side. “Then I’ll just shoot you again tomorrow.”_

_And though you’d never admit it, the laugh that resounded throughout the glass cage made your heart skip a beat._

* * *

Steve groaned from where he was joking with Tony. “Are you two talking about the time you shot ‘im again?” The beautiful Armani suit he was wearing was wrinkled and you were pretty sure that he had spilled Asgardian mead on it several times, but no one really minded. “We’ve heard it a million times now! And you—” He pointed at James. “—always say that she shot you four times, and that’s why you couldn’t catch her, but she actually only shot you once, and you were so starstruck by the fact that she had actually shot you that you tripped four times while we were chasing her.”

Bruce whined from where he sat on the couch, his eyes drifting away from Natasha for the first time all night. “Don’t make fun of them, Steve, I love this story.”

“What story?” Lila asked from where she was sandwiched in between Clint and Laura. Nathaniel, now a few years old, was holding his hands out for Natasha, who eagerly picked him up. Cooper was resting on the other side of his father, nuzzled into his side. The older man’s hand was gently twisting a strand of his wife’s hair around his finger, gazing at his little family adoringly.

Bucky, trying to seem more sober than he was, pointed at the little girl. “The story of how Y/N here was a total badass and—”

“Hey!” Tony said, pointing at him before Laura or Clint could jump in. “No cussing! Young ears!”

“Fine! Sorry!” But he just grinned at you as he said, “She was really cool and shot me.”

“And that’s how you knew she was the one,” Natasha teased, the champagne sloshing out of the bottle that she pointed towards you.

“Noooo,” Bucky retorted, almost falling off his stool. Luckily you were able to grab his arm and pull him back before he crashed onto the hard floor. As resilient as he was to injury, you didn’t think he’d enjoy having his face on the floor with your heels.

Wanda was sitting in Vis’s lap, the bubbles in her laugh mimicking the alcohol coursing through her veins. “No? Then what was it?” Her accent was much thicker when she was drunk.

Your fiancé turned to look at you, his eyes suddenly clear. He looked more sober than he had all night. “It was the day I had to leave you in Florence.”

That surprised you. “Wait, what? I thought it when we made up after me shooting you.” Your nose scrunched up as you looked from the ground and back to him. “Really, though? That day?”

“Yeah, babydoll,” he said with a frustrating air of nonchalance. “It was about ten in the morning, and you woke me up because you were humming.”

* * *

_The early summer breeze wafted through the open balcony doors as you sat on the edge of the bed. Your little one bedroom apartment was filled with natural light, and it amazed you that the man in the bed behind you hadn’t woken up yet._

_Turning to glance back at him, you couldn’t help but grin as you saw the scratches that littered his back. They were already almost entirely healed but you didn’t mind. It just meant you could make more later, and the same could be said about the love bites you had left all over his neck and chest._

_It terrified you, the way your heart would race when you glanced at him. After all, you didn’t… like people. At least, you didn’t like like them. It made you feel so many things at once that you felt dizzy anytime you so much as thought about him. His sea blue eyes had pierced your soul the first second that you had met, just four months earlier._

_God, had it only been four months? Four months since you had met a man who had completely flipped your world upside down?_

_The way it had first started had been … messy, to say the least. You had gone after the same target, but both had the same order attached to it._

_No witnesses._

_You had made it to him first, taking him out in the kitchen as he made a midnight snack with ease. But you hadn’t noticed the front door swinging open and the famed Winter Soldier entering. The second you two had seen each other, you knew you were fucked. You had fought, but that had only resulted in a mass of broken furniture._

_There had been a pause in the fighting—the Soldier having backed you up against the wall by the front door—when the door beside you had swung open again, and a man screaming Russian had entered. Before he had even gotten three steps in the door, you had spun on your heel and jammed your knife into his jugular. The hot, scarlet blood spurted all over you but you didn’t even flinch, letting your hand fall to your side as you watched the handler drop to the floor._

_You had quickly realized that it had been the Winter Soldier’s handler, wondering what was taking his precious asset so long on such a simple mission._

_The so-called Asset didn’t know what to do. His handler controlled everything. Where he went, what he did. Without him, he had no idea where to go or who to call. He knew he could’ve gotten back to Russia, but he had no idea where his base was. So he had kept you trapped in the apartment, refusing to let you leave while he tried to figure out what his next move was._

_He had spent a week and a half pacing back and forth and making you anxious with how neurotic he was being. You certainly hadn’t helped—antagonizing him whenever you got the chance. “Sorry, am I vexing you?” You had cooed, batting your eyelashes as he just rolled his eyes with a growl before continuing to pace. All the tension and cabin fever eventually resulted in a mess of clothes on the floor and an even bigger mess of limbs on the bed of the man you two had killed._

_The man who’s body you two still had yet to dispose of._

_The two of you had stood in the doorway of the guest bathroom, staring at the bathtub with arms crossed over your chests. There was still a sheen of sweat covering the two of you from your earlier… activities. The two of you turned to look at each other, blue eyes meeting e/c. “We should probably take care of them,” you said, both of you slowly turning to look at the target and his handler’s dead bodies, shoved into the huge bathtub._

_“We could just leave them there for someone to find,” he replied, though the lilt in his voice made it sound more like a question._

_The laugh that had come out of your throat was much more natural than you had expected it to be. “We’d at least have to take care of your handler.” When he didn’t say anything, you tilted your head to look at him. “Are you going to go back?” Your voice was soft, wondering. You hated to admit it, but you had grown fond of him after almost two weeks of being trapped with him. It was nice, being able to talk to someone who kind of understood your line of work. It had taken him a while to open up to you, but he’d eventually started talking when you asked what his favorite weapon was._

_A Kershaw cryo steel blade with a stainless steel handle with titanium carbo-nitride coating._

_He had seemed nervous when he told you, embarrassed that he even had a favorite weapon._

_But then you had told him that yours was a SOG SEAL pup elite fixed blade and his face had split in a blinding smile._

_It hadn’t taken him much to warm up to you after you had disposed of a body together, but maybe that’s what happens after going as long as you two had without meeting another person like you. Neither of you had thought too much about how crazy you were being when you decided to shake up in an apartment together. He wanted away from HYDRA, and you wanted to stay in one place for longer than a week. With the pay from the job that you two had met on, it wasn’t like you were struggling for cash either. Being an assassin sometimes had it’s perks._

_You thought about that first week and a half with a faint smile, humming as you looked back down at the knives you had been polishing. They were placed on either side of you, the left for James and the right for you. You wanted to do something nice for him, something to surprise him._

_You jumped as two strong arms wrapped around you, one warm flesh and the other cold metal. Both of which you loved equally. You loved being able to stay curled up with him all night without feeling overheated and sweaty, his prosthetic keeping you cool. “Good morning,” you said. You dropped the knife you had been cleaning in favor of intertwining your fingers with his where they rested on your stomach._

_James’s lips trailed along your bare shoulder, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. His hot breath caused goosebumps to raise along your arms and he chuckled. “Good morning, babydoll,” he rumbled, his voice deep and breathy and oh, the things it did to you. “I never thought cleaning knives could be so… alluring.”_

_“Oh, yeah?” You mused as you turned your head, capturing his lips in a kiss. “Do you have a thing for that?”_

_He smirked, his grip on you becoming more possessive. “I have a thing for everything you do.”_

_“I’m so glad I could help you fulfill your dirty fantasies,” you said with a bit of an eyeroll. When he tried to pull you back to bed, you shook your head and stood, peeling his hands off of you. You wanted nothing more than to get back under the sheets with him but you had things to do. “No, no, no. I have to go grocery shopping remember?” You stood up and began to get dressed, causing him to fall back onto the pillows with a huff._

_“Do you have to?” He asked, his voice coming out in a long whine._

_“If you want to eat, yes.” You giggled as you buttoned up your jean shorts and pulled on a tank top. He didn’t even look at you as you crawled up the bed towards him, though he did let out a rather loud groan of frustration as you straddled his hips and leaned over to peek down at him. “Baby, I promise you, as soon as I get back I’ll be right back in this bed, okay?”_

_He opened one eye. “Naked?”_

_“Yes, naked.” You leaned down and pressed a featherlight kiss to his lips. “You know, I’m starting to think you only like me when you’re fucking me,” you said, pursing your lower lip as you leaned back._

_The result was him shooting up, panic in his gorgeous eyes. “What? Doll, you know how I feel about you.” His arms wrapped around your waist as he held you close to his chest, kissing your cheeks, your chin, your forehead, your nose. “I love you more than life itself.”_

_“I know, I know,” you giggled, kissing him once more on the lips before pushing him away and pulling on your sandals. “I’ll be back soon, okay?”_

_As soon as you were out the door, James was up and in the kitchen. He had remembered a recipe his Ma used to use around the holidays. It was only for special occasions, since everything was so rationed back then, but he wanted to surprise you. He was halfway through making the sugar cream pie when he heard the door opening._

_“Babydoll,” he called out, a warm smile on his face. He always felt so giddy when he thought of you. He was covered in flour from head to toe, the ingredients scattered everywhere. “Don’t come in the kitchen.” When he didn’t get a reply, he frowned and grabbed a towel to wipe his hands off. But when he turned to go to the living room, he froze._

_A familiar man stood in the doorway to the kitchen, a smirk on his lips. “Babydoll? Who in the world could that be?” The agent chuckled as he moved towards him, taking in the small kitchen. “You’ve got quite the little set up here, don’t ya, Soldat?”_

_James didn’t reply, eyeing the knives that were on the counter behind the agent. His worst fear was coming true. He had nightmares about this moment, about HYDRA finding him and putting you in danger. His hands trembled, his mouth going dry._

_“Don’t even think about it, Soldat,” he said, already seeing what he’d been thinking. The agent sauntered forward so he was right in front of the super soldier, swiping his finger through the pie mix and popping it into his mouth. “Sweet.” He continued to move around the apartment, James slowly following. The agent smirked as he picked up a pair of your panties from the floor, twirling it teasingly in front of him before he shoved it into his pocket. “Think I’ll save these for later, know what I mean?”_

_And oh, if James didn’t want to tear him apart at that moment._

_“I bet she’s a pretty little thing,” the agent hummed, staring him down. It was clearly to challenge him, making him get angry, and it was working. “Wonder what it would feel like to be inside that sweet—”_

_James was across the room in an instant, his hand around the agent’s neck as he slammed him up against the wall. “If you touch her, I will rip you apart with my bare hands,” he snapped, his lips pulled back in a snarl._

_“If you kill me, the team outside of HYDRA agents will have her dead within five minutes,” he said, his face going red at the lack of oxygen. “She really likes that market on the corner, huh? Always gets peaches there.”_

_He immediately dropped the agent, his eyes widening. They had eyes on you. Not only did they find him, they had found him and watched him for long enough to know about you and your routines. The thought of a sniper pointing his gun at you struck fear into his heart. You were the love of his life and if you died… “How—”_

_“You have two choices, Soldat,” the agent said, brushing off his shirt as though he hadn’t almost been choked to death. “Either you come with me quietly and we let her live, or you kill me and your babydoll gets a bullet in that cute little head of hers.”_

_It didn’t take long to get the groceries from the little neighborhood market, and all you could think about was the man waiting in bed for you. He had almost… transformed in the four months you had been with him. He seemed to be rather old-fashioned, even if he didn’t remember much of his time before HYDRA. Sometimes he spoke of a best friend, someone named Steve with blond hair and bright blue eyes. Other times he spoke of how his sisters would thunder about his childhood home, driving his ma wild. But he was so chivalrous you thought he must’ve time traveled. No man you had met before had ever been so kind._

_You took your time on the way back, relishing in the warmth the summer sun bestowed upon you. The smell of fresh cannolis was wafting out of a nearby bakery and you made a split-second decision to pop in and grab a sweet treat for you and James to share._

_As you finally got home and opened the door of your apartment, you frowned. Something felt wrong. “James?” When you got no reply, you moved further into the room, walking into the kitchen. There was some kind of desert left half made on the counter. “James?”_

_Your heart broke as you pushed open the door to the bedroom, finding it completely empty. He was gone._

* * *

“I didn’t know that was the moment,” you murmured, biting your lip. James had your hand in his and was gently caressing it.

The rest of the Avengers, somehow still drunk, had all wandered off, realizing it was more of a private moment between the two of you.

“That was the moment I realized that I would do anything to keep you safe,” he said, pulling you off the stool to stand in between his legs. His free hand moved to caress your hair, tugging on a strand that had fallen out of the elegant French twist. “Even if it meant I had to leave you.”

“I didn’t really enjoy coming home to an empty apartment,” you said, sadness in your eyes as you thought back to that day.

“Hey.” James tilted your chin up gently. “I swore that day that I’d find you again, even if I had to fight wars for you. I’d get you back and I’d spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

“James,” you whispered as you leaned your forehead against his. “You’ve more than made it up to me.” You turned to look at your friends—no, your _family_. “Look at what you’ve given me.”

It had taken over six months for you to get to the point where you didn’t want to run, and even longer for you to realize that James wasn’t lying. That he really did love you and that he did leave because he wanted to protect you. In the process, you had shed your old life. The old you had died and brought forth a new person. Someone who had love in their life, had family.

Tears rimmed your eyes as you watched them. Bruce and Natasha were giggling as they passed her bottle of champagne back and forth. Clint was softly singing to his children as his wife dozed in his arms. Pepper and Tony were swaying slowly in each other’s arms, whispering too low for anyone else to hear. Steve and Thor were re-enacting some grand story for Wanda and Vision as they laughed.

The sun was beginning to rise over the horizon as it brought on a new day, shining through the floor-to-ceiling windows and casting a halo-like glow around them. They were your angels. Steve, Natasha, Tony, Wanda, Bruce, all of them. But James had been the one to pull you out of a life of no fulfillment. A life of only living for the next paycheck. Now you had a family that loved you, that cared about whether or not you were safe. You had gone through your wars and come out of it like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

“I’ve been reborn because you never gave up on me.”


End file.
